This post was initially written on March 29, 2021. Going through infertility of any kind is so unbearably hard. I can't speak to everyone's experience, but as a couple who's had "unexplained infertility", it feels like perpetual waves of grief. It feels like hopelessness. It feels like everyone's getting what you so desperately want while you sit there with empty arms. It feels like constant heartbreak seeing joyful posts of new pregnancies. It feels like isolation because you turn down invitations to showers and parties, for fear you won't be able to not cry. It feels like you're being punished because biologically nothing is wrong but you still don't have a baby. This has been our reality for the last 3 years and 7 months. Being open about our journey has been so rewarding but now it's taken the hard turn. I have to tell the sweet women I've been commiserating with that my turn is here. I'm pregnant. Of course I know exactly what...
As you may have read , we have been having a hard time conceiving for 3 years now. We finally decided to move forward with doing IUI in June. A couple weeks of monitoring via bloodwork & ultrasounds, a mock IUI where they do the procedure with saline, some extra hormones, a trigger shot in my butt, and we got our date for the procedure: July 1. We kept the news close to our chests; a few friends knew it was happening, our pastor so he and his wife could pray with us, and while our parents knew we had started the monitoring, they didn't know when the procedure was going to be. Of course I clung to the absurdity that my pregnancy still needs to be a surprise 3 years in to trying. The actual procedure went beautifully. In fact, as I was splayed out on this table with my feet in stirrups while a really nice doctor inserted a catheter into my uterus, I heard a familiar tune over the PA. Do you know what it was? "2 Become 1" by the Spice Girls. "I need some...